Hi. It's been a while since we had a moment of calm to talk. And no, I refuse to count... whatever the hell that was, last time. Though you'd never hear me admit it back then, I liked the banter we exchanged between us, even the jokes at my expense. I miss it... but I also know I completely ruined the chances of returning to that, too. In any case, there is something I should have said back then before things got the chance to escalate.

I'm sorry. For everything.

I knew those words needed to be said once you expressed exactly how you felt, and I saw firsthand, how my actions and words affected your mindset. And I could've said it then... but I suppose I got too heated to do so. I'm not even sure why anymore. But I won't make any excuses. Or I'll try not to, anyway. Anything is going to sound like one, after all.

Anyway... I heard from Chihiro that she alerted you to what had happened to me right after I left you at the HQ that day? Let me just say that I'm alright now. Though I was forced to stay in the hospital for about a week. That was certainly fun.

During that time, while I was cut off from most of my contacts, I had a lot to think about, from why I started playing "The World" to, yes, the very argument that's been making things awkward between us now. After all, I wasn't obligated to say anything at all to you. I could've just let Vance fade away from the public eye without a word to anyone and left you to your own devices. But I didn't. And while I'm still not ready to discuss every secret of mine that convinced me that the stupid, vague, and roundabout way I handled that discussion was a good idea, there are a still few things that I'm willing to say.

I've registered and logged into this version of The World with ulterior motives; that much you have probably deduced. At the same time, I figured that since I was here, I could do something on the side that'd let me leave my mark on The World. Something that I would enjoy beyond the grind. Something that'd remind me of times when I simply enjoyed the game for what it was on the surface.

What that turned out to be, as you might've guessed, was Aontacht. And it was during its initial stages that I met and recruited you, along with several people I've come to know during those first few months playing the game. Running and managing the guild while having fun and getting to know you and its other members felt fulfilling, and its growth was something I could take pride in.

And then CC Corp shelved the system suddenly and unceremoniously after being silent about it for a while. And to make up for it? 500 GP. Merely compensation for the registration. No acknowledgment at all of the time and effort we guildmasters spent cultivating and building up our guilds. Just something for them to sweep under the rug. That affected me for a bit, as you might remember. And though I soon got over it, I guess I never quite forgiven them, either. Probably part of the reason I hole myself up in that old HQ these days, as silly as it is for me to do so.

However, being forced into a hospital bed for an extended period of time with minimal online engagement hits you with some clarity on a lot of things. While I don't regret forming Aontacht one bit, what I wanted wasn't the guild's continued existence. Not really, anyway.

If anything, what I didn't realize until recently was that the whole thing was me trying to emulate, to some extent, my experience with being in a small guild when I was a child back in R:1, where it really felt as if we were a close-knit group of companions even long after that game was shuttered.

That's when I realized it — what I actually wanted was that feeling of camaraderie again and for it to actually stick. That guild I mentioned? Split apart by circumstances unknown to me before it was too late, and those of us who are still around just aren't the same. And my guild in R:2? Don't expect those kinds of vibes from an infamous den of player killers.

When it closed, it seemed that Aontacht would be an expedited case, especially since it was shuttered before we could ever organize anything as a single group. And all those members? Most of them I haven't heard from since.

Except you.

You were still there and continued to be. Upon realizing that, the true form of my regrets over Aontacht became known to me. I had let the loss of the guild's forced closure distract me from the fact that what I was truly looking for was still within my reach, even if Aontacht itself no longer had a tangible form. I regret not hanging out with you more in-game when I still had more chances to do so as a normal player. I regret burying myself in work rather than confiding in you when my problems in the game began to overwhelm me. And most of all, I regret fostering the feelings of inadequacy you displayed to me the last time we met and treating you as if you were nothing in a misguided attempt to drive you away from the game for your own safety while keeping all my secrets intact.

Because in the end, you were what I needed all along — a true friend in the game that I could depend on to be nearby when all the others simply faded away.

I'm pretty sure the both of us remember the last thing I said to you before you left that day. That statement was rhetorical and, if anything, was more-or-less something born from slight bitterness over the fact that I didn't get what I wanted from the conversation we had right before. But to my surprise, you actually answered back with a genuine response. Since I'm not putting on the act here, I feel obliged to honestly respond back.

Though I'm not sure to what extent, you're important to me, and if that weren't true, I wouldn't have bothered to try to force you to stop playing in the first place. Regardless of the terrible way I went about it, all I wanted to do was to keep you safe from this game's secrets before it has the chance to turn you into another one of its victims, because out of everyone here, you're the last person I want to have that happen to.

Simply put, I "quite like you" too.

...God, that was embarrassing even before I lifted the brush off the page.

Just... let me just say this, before I close this off. Even if you may feel useless and inadequate at times due to the words of a certain insensitive jackass, know that that same jackass was also lying through his teeth. You're a good person, and he believed you to be capable of a lot of things if you put your mind to it.

Unfortunately, that kindness was also what he was afraid of. He was certain that you'd continue to try to help even if he had explained to you in great detail why he thought your continued presence would eventually bring harm to you, especially since you were his friend. It was a risk he grew increasingly fearful of when he was charmed into striking you with an unnatural skill that could have brought real harm and pain upon you had the circumstances been more dire than they were.

And so he went with the nuclear option, willingly trying to sabotage your esteem of him while doing a number on your self-confidence and showing just enough of the real potential threat hidden behind CC Corp's curtains. And while he certainly managed to do a number on your self-esteem, he ultimately failed at getting what he wanted, when he could have had a better chance at it by explaining things to you calmly and rationally. While it's too late for that now, just know that there's no need for you to listen to the words of a fool. You're better than you think you are, and he knew it.

Sincerely,

Vance